There are quite a few govt. institutions empowered to look into corporate scams and frauds - and they are armed to the teeth to take action on erring companies/individuals - like SEBI et al. And they ain't doing that bad a job...
So, as I can't be too serious on the topic of Corporate Crime, here are the initial provisions for an Anti-Corruption Bill for Corporates (LMAO version) that could be tabled by.... uhm.. the government?!
Anti-Corruption Bill for Corporations
1. This draft will consist of a special 367-page loophole section to give those fraudsters an easy way out despite strong evidence & paperwork.
2. Since the Satyam scam, CEOs in conjunction with the accounting firms may misrepresent the company's earnings only by a margin of 94% or less. Anything more, must be approved by the company's board.
3. Corporate Bonuses for people in plum-paying positions should not exceed 257% of the total company earnings.
4. Charges of Insider Trading will be dealt with seriously. Serious enough to make sure that the company's stock prices go to the earlier level... and that's about it.
5. The most serious cases of fraud are punishable by making the scamsters repent by listening to Kapil Sibal's 6 hr. sermon on The Top Practices for Corporates (reviewed by that ex-Satyam guy in jail and signed-off by those scamsters who took down Enron) while forcing them to appear poignant all the while.
6. Cases of nepotism, etc. do not come under the purview of this bill
7. Once an individual or a corporation is found guilty of a 17th serious offence, the company will be forced to buy back its own stock until it goes 50% higher. There will also be close monitoring of the people who embezzled the company. These people will also be made part of the company's very ownSerious Fraud Investigation Team.
8. Whistleblowers - before blowing the whistle will need to take permission from the manager first, before approaching the Sr. Manager followed by the director and then the VP. The VP may choose to forward the complaint to the executive board if he believes he's not involved. And then the board will take a call whether the whistleblower can go ahead and... well.. blow the whistle!
The anthem for the campaign will be the Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO
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You can follow me on Twitter @prajaret
I'm also the author of the India Deal Sites blog
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| World Map Index of perception of corruption (2010) - Wikipedia |
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